I hate all girls vehemently.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
