The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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