Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
