It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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