how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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