the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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