so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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