I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
