I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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