the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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