I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
