apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
