I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
