i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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