new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
