corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
