Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
