So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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