it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
