a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
