We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Found the puke drawer
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
