I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
