last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
