Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
