In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
