Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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