Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
