I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
