I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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