apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Drunk is not a location!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
