I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm passing your future prison.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
