I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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