Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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