My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
