I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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