i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
