Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So squirting runs in the family.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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