just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
