when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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