I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
