I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
