sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
