i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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