Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
