We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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