I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
