Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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