At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
