Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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