Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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