lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
