The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
