You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
