the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
