i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
