haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
